You can be as thick as a thieves with a friend but once a baby comes along all things can change. Natalie Turner, former paediatric nurse, life coach and author of natalie-marie.org, reveals at how to maintain your friendship post-baby…
Q.) My best friend recently had a baby. We were always the two single girls together. I found it hard when she got married, now I feel such resentment that she has the life I don’t, what should I do? Should I abandon our friendship?
A.) Don’t forget she’s still your best friend. Becoming a mother is a huge life-changing event and I’m sure she really needs her best buddy right now. So turn the focus from yourself just for a moment, give her a call and ask ‘what can I do to help you’. You might be surprised how happy she is to hear from you.
On another level, is there a deeper reason you haven’t found the right man. How do you feel about yourself? Are you ready for a relationship or does it scare the hell out of you? It’s surprising how many of us want a relationship, but actually do everything in our power to sabotage ourselves. So go take an inventory. How good do you feel about your body? How easy would you find it to be in a relationship? These are two small steps to uncovering some deeper issues. If you feel you need help, get in touch and we can do some coaching via Skype.
Good luck and remember, you didn’t lose your friend the game just changed a little.
Q.) My friend has a son, I have to be honest he drives me crazy. He is six. He talks back, hits her and even spat at her once. It’s so bad we can’t go anywhere as he makes such a scene. What can I do?
A.) Nothing, he’s not your son, so really you can’t do anything about his behaviour. You do have the choice however to spend time with him or not. Make time to maybe meet for coffee when you know he’s not around. When he is in school maybe, or in bed for the evening.
If you feel it’s ruining your friendship you could gently broach the subject. Tread lightly however as it sounds like your friend is having a tough time. You could simply say: ‘It looks really tough being a mum’. This may help your friend to open up, which could be just what she needs.
Q.) My best friend is having a baby in two weeks. I’m so excited, how soon is good etiquette to visit.
A.) I’m so glad you brought this up. After my second daughter I was introduced to the concept of a ‘babymoon’. So this is for any expecting mothers reading this, too.
A baby has been in its mother’s womb, surrounded by water in relative dark. Birth is a disruption of all that calm. Bright lights, loud noises and lots of new faces. It’s overwhelming for their little systems.
So the baby moon is a two week period where it’s just immediate family. They stay home, keep the lights low and try to maintain a quiet environment.
At first when I learnt about this, I’ll be honest, I thought it sounded ridiculous. However, I noticed that when my daughter was a few days old, if we had visitors or even took her out in the car, she would have a period from when she literally screamed. Nothing calmed her down. Her little system was in overload and screaming was the release. So we respected what she needed and those screaming episodes stopped.
So I know you’re excited to see the baby but give them just a little bit of space to adjust. Let your friend know that you’re happy to wait and to let you know when they’re ready for visitors.
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